Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize