Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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