OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
