I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
