talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
