he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
