I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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