he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
