Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
