I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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