She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
