When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
