This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's always time for handjobs
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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