Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
