Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
