I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just want to make out with him forever
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize