i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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