Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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