Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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