"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize