if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
