"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize