me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
