ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
