You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
