We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
