Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
