I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
