Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
