i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize