You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
