My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
should my penis look like a turkey
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
