Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
