she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
