I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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