So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
