have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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