ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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