that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
