please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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