I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
