Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
