Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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