I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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