I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
