Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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