saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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