we made out on top of his cat.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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