Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
