if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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