I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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