you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
