every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
