You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I am morally bankrupt
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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