cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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