the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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