I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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