everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
