I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
