mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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