so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
