She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize