im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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