I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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