Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
