I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The beers last night were like the tears from god
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
