You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I did not marry a roomba.
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