He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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