we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
