I like to think it a success when the cops are called
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
