Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
