I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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