You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
do nipples grow back?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
