if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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