When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
