I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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