I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
