I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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