Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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