Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sext me about skeletons
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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