why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
