where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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