So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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