fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
