laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
